Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
