The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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