dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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