What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
