I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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