Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
