I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just had sex on a roof
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
