wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
