so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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