I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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