life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
