So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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