I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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