I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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