Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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