I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
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