i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
