You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
