3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
