we're chasing vodka with high fives
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
