my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
