You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm at about main and main street
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
