idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
