I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
