I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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