Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
