I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
