I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he thought i was a dude.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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