A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
