Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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