I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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