Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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