His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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