so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
