So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
