if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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