I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
a search helicopter?!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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