"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
