why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
