now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
