Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
