can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
