i think my tv is drunk
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
whose parrot is this?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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