She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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