Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
