we're chasing vodka with high fives
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
