Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
