i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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