Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
