We named our party play list daddy issues
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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