Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
