omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
